The 12 steps to real intimacy | Katie Kobler

12 Step Principle

There really is a growing pressure for young people to hurry through the stages of relationships. I’ve seen many brave young people who have decided to go against the flow in this area and have had their decision met with criticism, questions, mockery and even their partner dumping them- deciding that things were taking too long and they weren’t all that interested after all.

We live in a fast paced world! Fast food? Takes too long these days. Loading up that web page that is taking more than 5 seconds to load? So frustrating! we are always looking for a faster, more efficient, quicker way of getting to where we want and need to get to. With this considered, it is no surprise that more and more young people are rushing through the important stages in a relationship.

I Love these steps by Dr Desmond Moris! His advice goes something like this.. if you want to get the most out of romantic relationships? If you want to build a relationship that will last the distance? Then slow down! Take your time!

Sometimes we can feel that if we don’t rush into things and tick off the boxes of a physical relationship then we will miss out. Sometimes it can seem that if we don’t meet the physical ‘needs’ of our partner, we will lose them and then be left with nothing. Something to consider; if you are wanting to take things slowly, as Dr Desmond Morris suggests and your partner is threatening to end things with you because it is taking too long… is that the kind of person you want to be with anyway? Is it worth giving someone like this access to your heart? Your body? Your sexuality? I dare say, probably not.

I hope you find these steps helpful as many have. Remember take your time and enjoy the journey… you are worth the wait!


Questions | Katie Kobler


These are just some of the questions that we have been asked from young women around the topics of sex, dating, relationships, body image and more over the past couple of weeks.

Some of the questions turn my stomach to think of some of the things and situations that teens have to negotiate..
Some of the questions asked of us, if typed into google would bring up a whole bunch of answers from a whole bunch of sources…..
Some of which include sources which can be so damaging to the hearts and minds of young people… yes im talking about pornographic websites. My point is this: its natural, normal, important even, for young women to be asking questions about sex, their bodies, and the opposite sex. What must be considered however, is where that information is coming from.

The latest annual youth survey from Mission Australia indicates that young people are in fact getting the majority of their information on these topics from the internet. (72.8%)

Research now tells us:

  • 60% of girls were exposed to pornography before the age of 18.
  • 49% of young women say viewing porn is an acceptable way to express ones sexuality.
  • Nearly half of young women watch pornography at least once a month.

While the topic of sexuality and surrounding issues can be hard subjects to broach with teens, the information that is passed onto young people from reliable sources such as caring parents, carers, teachers, youth workers etc is crucial.
When I talk to teen girls about the information around sexuality I always warn them to be cautious of the places they are getting their education on these topics. The examples of womanhood that are found in pornography can be damaging to the development of the belief systems of young women in many regards; what their role is in a sexual relationship, the expectation of men, the thoughts, opinions and expectations around their own body image and what is normal.

Why should the first viewpoint of sex that a young woman sees involve women who are objectified, abused, degraded and never represented as a whole person?
Why should the first viewpoint of sex that a young woman sees involve men who are violent, aggressive towards women and who show no regard for who the woman is as a person, but only what she can offer him sexually?

Young people are searching for answers. We owe it to them to do all we can to ensure their answers are coming from a reliable source.

“The problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person but that it shows far too little” John Paul II